The Day My Cat Went to Space
“Is he in space?”, my 3 year old son asked. “Ummmm, yes. He is.”, I replied. This was the third conversation I found myself having with my son later in the morning after our family cat died unexpectedly. For pet owners, we know the loss of a pet can feel devastating. They are a part of our family. Grief with pet loss can be complicated. We act one way when a person dies and can be expected to act another when a pet dies. But the way we grieve is the way we grieve. There is no wrong way to grieve and losing a pet is no different.
Knowing what I know about grief, I thought that helping my 3 year old understand and cope would be less of a struggle. But when this unexpected loss happened, I found myself experiencing some unexpected feelings. Fears for how he would take it. Concerns about him feeling traumatized that his play friend (yes, the cat loved to play with him!) was suddenly gone and never coming back.
I sat down with my son and before I could get the words out, I started to cry. “What’s wrong, mommy?”, he said. “Well, I’m feeling very sad today.”, I told him. He asked why I was feeling sad, so I told him our beloved pet, Ganesh, got sick overnight, went to the doctor and was not able to come home. We talked about it for a bit and I could tell that he didn’t understand. Death is new for him and we’ve only talked about it a couple of times. So I found myself giving various angles of view to elaborate.
In the third conversation, I said simply, “Ganesh’s body doesn’t work anymore so it’s going away. But his heart and love is all around us…”, I gestured into the air lightly. He said, “Is he in space?”. I thought for a second, realized yes that is true and said, “Yes, he is!”. He’s referenced it a couple of times now and it brings me an odd sense of comfort. One day he asked if Ganesh was lonely up in space. I said no and I described the other people and animals who were there too. This is a simple explanation that is allowing this young and developing mind to have a ‘place to put what happened’. We also talk about our love for Ganesh and he’s asked to have a picture of him, so we will choose one together to put in his bedroom. These are also ways that we can memorialize a loved one. It’s important that we honor their place in our lives.
I’ve learned in being a grief counselor that there are so many different ways to grieve. And as I said above, there is no wrong way. There are many belief systems out there but honestly, there isn’t much variation. There’s belief in heaven, reincarnation, and even a scientific approach of ‘energy’ transforming. For some people, this even overlaps. For most people, the loved one lost doesn’t just cease to exist in ‘every form’. But it sure can feel like it when you miss them. I love my son’s interpretation of Ganesh being in space.
The thing is, it doesn’t matter your belief or interpretation. What matters is that you have a place to ‘put’ the loss while acknowledging your feelings. It is not healthy to do nothing with it and walk away. This is mortality and we will all experience it. It’s healthy to ponder and give meaning to it and I’m glad to encourage my son to do the same in a thoughtful and supported way.
